I thought that I would throw in a few "Averieisms" for the day. The other morning she came crying into my room, saying she had a scary dream. After asking, she said that in her dream, she was arrested, and taken to jail.
"Why did you have to go to jail?"
Averie: "Just cause I peed my pants! That mean police man was so so so rude."
To move the story forward, this morning most of the kids were doing their jobs. Averie was sitting on the floor eating popcorn like a little princess, when she started crying out of the blue.
"Why are you crying?"
Averie: "My arm, my arm, my arm. My arm is hurting so way bad!"
"Oh no, what did you do to your arm?"
Averie: "It's way hungry and it need popsicles." She said with a half smile, "Can we go to the store and get some?"
She finishes that statement with a facial expression that can do nothing but make milk shoot through your nose. I tryed to capture the image for time and all eternity. Those who have been fortunate enough to see this expression know exactly what I am talking about. So here goes.
I read once that the best way to be happy is to tell yourself that you are happy. Well that seems to have been my lives philosophy even before John died. The power of the mind is such that anything you believe to be possible, is. I guess that's why I have such faith in the plan of salvation. I know it is true, because how could I have gotten along for seven months without my reason for living?
So with that said, I have a list of goals for the year. I hope that each of these will not only ground me, but help me and my family to enjoy the journey through the rest of this life.
Read my scriptures everyday
Watch the sunset
Have picnics with the kids
Wear skirts on the weekday
Explore new places
Play with the kids, leave the dishes
Make a new tradition
Control how much I worry
Go to bed earlier
Watch the sunrise
Learn my place in this new world
Encourage the kids creativity
Laugh, really laugh
Be able to express my feeling better face to face
Ride a motorcycle
Become a Woman at the Well
These are just a few, off the top of my head. Heavenly Father has shown me over and over that he is there, and that he knows and loves me, ME! I know that he would never take my husband, and the kids father, and not provide a way for us. Sometimes it's a struggle, but as long as I allow him to lead me, I know that we'll be safe. I don't know what's in store down the road for us, but I do know that I must be something great, ordinary people aren't blessed this much for no reason.
After much pushing, and prodding, I made the leap to blogging. Hopefully this will allow for a healing outlet to me, and maybe others can learn a little from my journey through the darkness of grief. I'll give a little synopsis. On August 24, 2008, my beautiful, perfect husband of almost eleven years was killed in a plane crash. He and a few colleagues from Focus Communications were on a humanitarian service trip in Guatemala, when the charter plane that were flying in experienced engine failure and crashed. There were initially four survivors. One girl Sarah walked away with bumps and bruises. Her mother April was severly burned and spent many months in a burn unit. Dan's legs were crushed and still experiences great pain when trying to get around. And Liz, who was severly burned and who experienced trama injuries, died several hours after the crash. There were eleven in all that died in the crash, Alan, and Zach Jensen, Javier, and Walfred Rabinales, Lydia Silva, Jeff Reppe, Cody Odekirk, Liz Johnson, the pilot and co-pilot, and my love John Carter.
This is the story of one woman's navigation through grief following the loss of her true love, and husband of almost eleven years. Questions of who am I now, questions of how to raise the kids alone, and leaning how to live again will be confronted, hopefully in a positive and meaningful light.