Sunday, June 14, 2009

St. George

My family and I just got back from the warm and rain free town of St. George Utah. Oh what a week. The sun was shining, the desert landscape was brilliant, the kids were happy, and I let the sun do some much needed healing.

The drive was not bad considering the three wild animals in the back asking for potty breaks, and chanting ... "are we there yet?". The scenery is so interesting, because you move rather quickly through the beautiful mountains, and into the desert withing a few short hours. Mother nature didn't pull any stops. Wildflowers lined the roadway, the clouds were depicting flying elephants, sea turtles, and yo gabba gabba characters. It was nothing short of heaven. I guess that's why I felt John so close to me. There were times that I had to physically turn to look behind me to see if he was there. I was taking a million pictures thinking that I couldn't wait to get home to show him. I haven't had this hard of a time accepting that he is gone since the first few months after the accident.

Facing the drive home was hard. I had little to no sleep the whole trip, because a little know phenomenon called vacationitis. For some unknown reason, every time we travel anywhere my beautiful children catch swine flu, monkeyitis, tuberculosis, and a major case of the gags. This means that they cough, hack, gag, and eventually throw up their entire stomach contents on expensive linens, and carpeting. So because of the theatrics of the TB ward, there was no sleep to be had, and a six to ten hour drive to face depending on potty breaks. This is when I found myself in the throws of self-pity.

"Why do I have to do this all by myself?"
"Why do I only get 12 years of happiness?"
"Why did this happen to my family, and not to jerks like Brad Pitt?" (I love to throw Brad Pitt in there, cause he bugs me with his jet setting, abundant wealth, and carefree life.)
"Why don't I get to grow old with the love of my life?"

Even though I was feeling such despair, I knew that everything was going to be OK. I knew that John was there with us. I knew that he was looking out for us. I knew that my Savior had me by the hand and was leading me and my family to a safe place. I know that this life is only temporary, and the trials that we are given are there to help us to grow and become the people that we are meant to be. I have already seen such a change in my little family. We have learned to rely on each other, as well as all of those loving people in our lives that were sent here to make this difficult time a little bit easier. I know that even though I will still have the poor me moments, I will always have the faith that has grown leaps and bounds to get me through even the darkest times.

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  1. Just needed to say your kids are beautiful (handsome) and they always make me smile whenever I see them. I have to admit I laughed when I read about them getting sick on vacations (even though I know it is SO not funny) you're better than me...I'd never take them anywhere :)

    I'm glad you had a good time and sorry you had a hard time. Won't it be beautiful when the second coming is actually here and we can finally see how short life actually is...cuz it sure seems long some times...How would we exist if we thought this was all there was?!

    I cry everytime I read one of your are living my nightmare, but as crazy as this sounds...if I ever had to deal with anything even close to the give me hope that life can go on, and I could do it if I had are a strong woman and an inspiration to many.

    I know that we haven't known each other long...but if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen to you scream about how unfair everything is, or even someone to run away with and do something to make you forget the real world...I'd be happy to help. really call or e-mail me any time!! ngarrits @ msn . com

  2. You are so amazing!!! I am sorry about the sick kids. You are better than me I don't think I would ever take them anywhere :) It is funny but when we went to St George last weekend I thought of you the whole time. I went down first and Adam came to meet us. I really thought about how hard it must be for you to do it all. If you ever need any help please call. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. I get to teach Ashton's primary class now and he was so adorable today. (all your kids are always adorable but today Ashton was espically adorable) They were talking about Daniel and the Lion's den and how scarry that would be and he wispered to me that he wouldn't be scared because he knew that his daddy would always be there to help him. And durring class it came up again about how one of the blessings of baptism was that we can inherit the Kingdom of God and he asked what that was. So Vicki told him and he said that he was going to do everything right and get baptized so that he could see his daddy again. Yes I sat in the corner with tears rolling down my cheeks. Thinking what a great mom you are to have taught them so well. Really honestly please call some time. I would love to escape the world some day and just run away with you. LOVE YA TONS!!!

  3. Lisa,
    Can I just tell you that everyday I am amazed by the person you are. I know you hate when people tell you how strong you are, but it is the truth....You are so strong....Those words should be a testament to the wonderful spirit and courage you have. You are truly a daughter of God, I only wish that in my life I can have the kind of spiritual strength you possess. I know it has been through devastation, heart break and the loving influence of people around you that you are who you are. I know that John is so proud of the woman and mother you have become.

    I love you as my sister and I only hope that I can help you in any way possible....