Barns, bobsleds, and Crocs

Today started out pretty sad. I couldn't sleep the night before because I was missing John so much. So after a little benedril at 2am I finally caught some z's. The problem with medicated sleep is the hangover you wake up with, and combined with sorrow it makes for a rocky morning.

I had learned from my birthday that I wasn't just going to sit around and feel sorry for myself. So I called my little brother Danny, and we went on an adventure. With the fair coming up we decided to grab the camera and find some cool places to photograph. We started here in Morgan, then ended up in Park City. We had so much fun trespassing, exploring, and making a general nuisance of ourselves. We decided to call our adventure the Barn Tour (I know, all kinds of thought went into that one).

After stopping at a few barns, some old cottages, and gas stations, we ended up at the outlet mall. In all of our shopping madness, we made it into one store...The Croc outlet. These shoes have to be the ugliest ever created, but boy are they comfy.

Here are some pics of our adventures to the further most reaches of Summit County.

Where the Wild Things Are

I was at the movie the other night, when a trailer for "Where the Wild Things Are" came on. I don't know about you, but I had this book as a child. I don't really know what the story was about, I only remember looking at the pictures and making up my own storyline. Even as a small child, this book gave me a strange feeling. Kind of a foreboding, even creepy feeling. The funny thing is, the movie trailer did the same thing. The music was so melancholy, and the lighting was dim. I found my heart pounding almost right out of my chest.

I realized that this feeling is some of what I have been living this last year. Of course the first four months were indescribable amounts of pain, but a lot of it is this kind of skin crawling, dark, creepy, sadness. I'm sure that some of you reading this post will think that I have officially gone off my rocker, and have loved this book. I guess that I have always had a crazy imagination. You should see my dreams sometime, now that is entertainment!

Fireworks

Last night we were invited to my brother and sister-in-law's for a bar-b-que and fireworks. Weber State was doing their annual pop's concert, and they are always followed with a nice firework show. Spence lives pretty close to the light show, so the night was quite a hit. The kids and dad's all went up to the roof to get a better view. You can't get better than that, hoards of children on a roof.

As we left to go home, we bobbed and weaved in and out of the thousands of milling families returning to their houses and cars. I couldn't help but think of last year's fireworks. John was the master at maneuvering the stroller through the sea of people at top speeds. He would glance back at me with a huge smile on his face, that was nothing short of magical. I remember thinking that night about how in love with him I was, and how lucky I was to have found him. I have had so many experiences like that throughout our life together, you know the whole "I can't believe that I am really this happy!" I am so glad that I have those kind of experiences to fall back on. When I lay in bed at night, so sad and alone, those are the memories that I treasure.

Here are a few of my fav pics of John and his beautiful smile.

Chicken Chet

Introducing.............Chicken Chet, my new nemesis. You can't tell from this picture, but this little jerk is six inches tall. At first he was so cute, a tiny little rooster. Then he was funny when he started to crow that wimpy falsetto cackle. Then he started to get the slightest bit bold, you know following you all around the yard while crowing constantly. Finally, Sunday he made his move. I went out to the garden to harvest some zucchini when something landed on my back. I knocked him off of me, but he kept coming back for more. I booted him four times in the chest with my foot, and that just ticked him off. Now I can't even imagine the scene from the neighbours point of view, but it was a death match for me and Chicken Chet. I managed at last to throw my freshly picked zucchini at the little devil and I ran like the dickens.

Once safely inside the house, and after I caught my breath I realized two things. One, this is MY house, and two, Chicken Chet is going down!

Saga to be continued....

The great and terrible road trip.

My cute cousins decided it was high time to have a girls trip, so this weekend we loaded up and drove south. Why south you ask? Is it the 108 degree temp you love? Is it the natural beauty of the desert? Is it the allure of the lights on the strip? No, no. It's the TJ Max. That's right, TJ Max, and Trader Joe's, and Ross, and the Olive Garden, and Target.

Let me tell you, my eyes have been opened to the sheer joy of shopping cheap. These gals are die hards. We literally shopped until we dropped. I have never laughed so hard in all my life. It was nothing short of a miracle. I have spent almost a year in a very dark place fighting my way out. I have always been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but that light always seemed so distant, and sometimes shaded. This weekend gave me a peek into the sunshine. I will be forever grateful to the cousies for that.















This is my beautiful cousin Patty, who set the glamour standard for the trip.













Kiki, and James, ready to rock.













Jamie posing with all the Trader Joe paraphernalia














A quick view into the thunderdome.

Happy Birthday Mom, and Ethan

So today I'm 34. (I tell people 29) Age has never been something that has bothered me until now. I feel too old, and not old enough all at the same time.

Today also happens to be Ethan's birthday. Ten years ago today, I had my first child. Talk about a birthday present. I remember that there was a sign on my door at the hospital that said, "Happy Birthday Lisa, and baby Ethan!" All the doctors and nurses signed it, and everyone who came to see us at the hospital signed it too. I ran across that sign when we were looking for pictures for the funeral.

How does time sneak by you? When you are in the midst of life, it seems to never end. I wished away so much, in excitement and anticipation for the next step in life. When Ethan was a baby, I couldn't wait until he slept through the night. Then I couldn't wait until he could sit up. Then I couldn't wait until he could crawl, etc. In all my excitement, I missed out on my little baby being a baby.

When John died, I vowed that I wouldn't wish away anything ever again. I told myself that I would enjoy every step, and every challenge like it was a new and wonderful adventure. I'm not saying that it's easy, because it's not. I wanted to just bury myself in the covers today and not answer the phone, and just really feel sorry for myself, but Ethan had other plans. He woke me up at 7:30am wanting to open presents. I made him wait a couple hours. He pushed, and begged, and pushed more to get me to do this or that, or get ready so we could go. I have to admit, it wasn't an easy task for that poor kid to get his mom in the birthday spirit. (It's one thing when it's just your birthday, but when you share it with one of the children, there is no getting out of anything) Finally we got going, and I have to say that I'm so glad that I got out of the house and spent time with my big little man. It turned out to be a pretty great day.

Here are a few shots from the day of festivities