Awwwwww, did you ever see two cuter boys? I found these pics on the old laptop. I've been looking at them for several months, and trying to remember was life was like then. It seems so long ago, and yet it was almost just yesterday. Ethan as 5 in this picture, and Ashton was 1.
This was taken on the day Ashton was born. You can tell that Daddy had been up all night. He was so excited to introduce Ethan to his little brother.
Normally I would not include such a terrible picture of myself, but I just went through childbirth, and I don't look half bad for such a feat, and the look on Johnny's face is priceless. Oh I miss him so much. I still feel like he's just on a business trip, and he will be home any day now.
We are coming up on a year and a half. I can't believe it's been that long. Last night I cried myself to sleep again, just wishing I could talk to him. It's hard when you can be gone all day, and there is no one to call or check in with. I'll sit in class and everyone is checking in with their spouse, and I just sit there. Every now and again I'll get the chance to run errands by myself. I always think it will be great to have some time to myself, but inevitably I end up crying. I hate to be here by myself.
I learned something very important, get out your pens, or highlighters because this is wisdom I tell ya. Life is always an uphill battle. If we are not constantly engaged in moving upward our muscles will atrophy, and our legs won't be strong. The top of the mountain is the goal. Once we get there the vantage point will open up and we will be able to see and understand what it was all for.
So there you have it. I figure that I'm about 2/3rds the way up. I have a pretty good view of the things behind me, and I have an okay view of some of the stuff ahead and around me. I just passed one of the spots that I needed some extra equipment, like ropes, crampons, carabeaners (don't know how to spell that word), and a harness. The path I chose was the best path for me. It has its rough spots, but my Father packed my safety equipment, and boy you should see my buff arms and legs at this point.
You mean to tell me those buff arms and legs aren't from Pilates? :) My favorite pic is the one of Ethan and Ashton up at the top. They are so dang cute. I must say you do look like a beauty queen after child birth. Thanks for your words of wisdom...and yes I wrote it down and I am going to pass it on to others. Thank you for always teaching me how important life is. I love ya. Cousys forever.
ReplyDeleteI am so blessed to call you my friend. I have learned so much from you about faith and love and not giving in. You are so wise, Thank you for sharing the lessons you learn with us, through the blog and in countless other ways. Your example changes the lives of so many every day. Love you always.
ReplyDeleteAs always, you are amazing. You have chosen the best path for you. Just keep climbing and hold on to the ropes!!!
ReplyDeleteI could just pluck that chubby little 1 year old Ashton out of the picture and pinch his cheeks. Yes, your boys are the cutest. I can't fathom the loneliness you feel -it scares me to pieces to think about and you face it every day. But you do it with grace and I'm cheering for you.
ReplyDeleteI read this post this morning...and I've been thinking about it all day. It physically makes my heart hurt when I read things like this from you. And when I feel like kicking my husband in the teeth because he's being a dork...I think of you and I forgive him and tell him how grateful I am for him (well sometimes) Thank you for teaching me that...oh and you can call me when you're in class...I'd love to know how you're doing and when you're coming home ;) I'll even get texting on my phone if it would help :) (and that would be a big sacrifice for me..lol) (hugs)
ReplyDeleteYou are so amazing!!! I love that picture of the boys. They are so cute!! And you are right that look on John's face is priceless. And you really do look amazing for just having a baby :) Every time I read this I wish I had something fabulous to say to you but alas I am at a loss for words (yes amazing I know) All I can say is I am so glad that I can call you my friend. I am grateful for the person you are an the strength you are to me. And I am with Natalie You can check in with me any time. (ok I know it isn't the same) but know I will always listen or talk whatever you need. Love ya!!!!!
ReplyDeletewonderful post!! That picture of the boys.....I could just eat them up!! You are a beauty queen...childbirth becomes you. After I had Carver, Grams said to me, "you shouldn't look that bad.......why do you look so bad that is not normal. Why is your face sooo puffy?" It is really the last thing you want to hear as you are lying half naked in a hostpital bed, but you know grams, she liked to say it like it was.
ReplyDeleteI miss him too....
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