Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Conference Weekend

This weekend has been fraught with emotion for me. It was General Conference Weekend. I usually look so forward to it, we have some pretty treasured traditions that revolve around Conference weekend. We always went on a drive that ended in a hike of some kind. John lived for nature, and it was a good bet that we would find ourselves right in the middle of it whenever time would allow. We spent many a Sunday at Snowbasin, hiking and taking pictures. We loved to drive down Provo canyon to Bridal Veil Falls in the spring when the ice was just starting to melt. We loved to look at the fall leaves, and spot wildlife, and just be in the midst of God's beautiful creations. This Weekend, I stayed home and watched conference in quiet.

It is so wonderful to know that God knows each and every one of us. The talks that were given, seemed to be prepared for me and my family. I enjoyed so much the words that were so skillfully put together in a way that I had been searching to do myself during this last year. It was so uplifting, and so sad at the same time. Then in between the morning and afternoon sessions on Sunday there was a story about the humanitarian effort in Guatemala. It was a beautiful story, they mentioned the crash, and showed a picture of John. I cried, and cried, and got really mad, then felt guilty, then cried some more. I was sad that John never got to meet those people that he was so excited to serve. I was mad that the people that were featured on the story did get to meet them, and with no problems might I add. I was really mad that it made me think about the crash again, and all the sadness that went along with that horrible day. So needless to say I have been in a super fantastic mood the last several days (months).

In the middle of my sorrow, I talked to my beautiful, wise, brilliant sister-in-law Mel, and she suggested that I make a list of all the things that I have learned, and the blessings that we have received since we lost John. It is so hard when you are in the middle of grief to realize or understand that there really has been progress made, and sometimes we really need to sit back and take a good long look at personal growth that has taken place.

Keep in mind that this list is very incomplete, but it's a start.
  • I know that my Father in Heaven loves me.
  • I know that my Savior died for me.
  • I know that Johnny is mine forever and ever.
  • I know that my family loves me.
  • I have true friends, the kind that can handle anything that you throw at them, and they do it with ease and grace.
  • The veil is very thin.
  • Service really is the only place you can find relief.
  • Life is too short
  • Love never dies
  • The Atonement is way bigger, and more complex, and I will never learn in this lifetime all of it's facets.
  • Family is forever
  • Family is the reason for this life
  • Guilt is of the Devil (and he wields it like a double edged sword)
  • It's ok to not be perfect
  • It's ok to do things your own way
  • Sometimes we make mistakes, and guess what, the world doesn't end
  • When God brings you to it, he'll get you through it.
  • We are going to be ok
  • I know that we will be better than we were before
  • I know that there are angles around us
  • Things may seem sad and hopeless, but I know that there is nothing but hope and happiness in our future.

Here are a few pictures that I came across, and they speak volumes.


  1. I've been thinking and thinking and thinking about you. You never cease to amaze me. I've told you before that you have changed me and the way I take on a challenge that is handed to me. I only hope that in someway I can someday become as graceful and honest and as truly amazing as you are. You have strengthened me, you've strengthened my testimony, you've taught me more than you could ever know. I'm a better person because I know you. It seems to me to be a bit backward - I wish I could be the strength for you - but everytime I turn around it is you that strengthens me. I love you - I love you - I love you.

  2. What a smart sister in law you have :) You're pretty smart yourself you know! I love that list. Oh, and thanks for introducing me to nienie and cjane...I much enjoyed watching them on Oprah yesterday!


  3. Wow!!! You are amazing. I think you are my Hero. Love you

  4. You are so amazing!!!! I was talking about you yesterday to this great person I know (my mom) and we both said what an incredible person you are. You have handled all the "crap" that has come your way with a grace that is amazing. You are a beautiful person inside and out and you are doing amazing things with your family. And I totaly want to come covit your basement when it is done. You can give me tips for when we finish ours. LOVE YA!!!

  5. As I watched the program on Sunday I thought to myself how hard it would be for you, and I worried about you. (Not because of my calling but because I call you my friend)and then an overwhelming peace came to me that reassured me that you would be just fine. Hard days make the better days better. You are such an example of everything they talked about in conference. Thank you again for letting me be your friend. You are such a strength to me.

    Let me know if you need help with Super Saturday. You never called me with the names.

  6. Lisa, I am so glad you are my sister!!!! I am lucky to have you in my life.