Sunday, November 29, 2009


Oh, how the holidays are upon us.

The snow,

the lights,

the food

Normally, that's enough for a great year. Now, I wish I could skip it. All that I can think of is being alone. The kids are missing him more than ever, which makes it so much harder on me.

I have all these great daydreams of being in a coma till May, however with the slim chance there, I have to make preparations for my children to have a great memory this year. Even with John gone, the kids deserve a beautiful holiday.

I have often given thanks for my sweet children. Without them, I don't need to carry on. I could curl up and just let the years pass. But with them, I can see the light. I know that it will be hard, and painful, and frustrating at times. I know that the ache in my heart will always be there. I know that I will be faced with tough decisions that will have to be made on my own, but I also know that it will be worth it. I know that my family will be protected. I know that one day, this pain will subside, we wont be alone, and we will feel whole again.

For now, I just put on a brave face, suck it up, show my kids that they are loved, and hope for a better tomorrow.


  1. I am always impressed that within the trials you face you always have a plan to try and make the best of what you are dealing with. You have such strength even in your moments of feeling weak. You are so loved.. by me!!!

  2. Lisa, You are brave. You are strong. You are what you hope your kids will become someday. It is your gift you give to all of us each day you get out of bed and take on the day. you are my hero. Love ya!

  3. I need a retail therapy buddy. Let's do some Christmas shopping together because I haven't bought one thing yet.

  4. Cousy--You seriously are my hero. I love you and aspire to be like you everyday. Thanks for being such a great example to me. I do think you should go with Jenn shopping or with me:)Go out and buy a motorcycle. You wouldn't do that would you? XOXOX

  5. (hugs) I'm sorry you're feeling crappy...on the other looked especially beautiful today (I never found you to tell you) and Averie's hair was so cute today!!

    I got a good laugh from her underware today :) (not in a creepy pervert sort of way, just in a my favorite cute sunbeam who doens't know how to sit like a lady yet (like every other girl in primary) is wearing her brothers underware sort of way. I had to go around the corner to stop laughing :) Thanks for that today!! I needed it!!!

  6. Ok I have the exact same comment as my sister :) (yes we think alike often) I had to lead the singing today in primary so I got to get that good laugh about her undies too :) She is so adorable!!!! I could just bring her home with me. Actually I could do that with any of your kids they are absolutely adorable!!!

    I am sorry you are having such a hard time. I wish I knew how to help or what to do. But just know that you are amazing!!!! And you are loved :)