Oh, how the holidays are upon us.
Normally, that's enough for a great year. Now, I wish I could skip it. All that I can think of is being alone. The kids are missing him more than ever, which makes it so much harder on me.
I have all these great daydreams of being in a coma till May, however with the slim chance there, I have to make preparations for my children to have a great memory this year. Even with John gone, the kids deserve a beautiful holiday.
I have often given thanks for my sweet children. Without them, I don't need to carry on. I could curl up and just let the years pass. But with them, I can see the light. I know that it will be hard, and painful, and frustrating at times. I know that the ache in my heart will always be there. I know that I will be faced with tough decisions that will have to be made on my own, but I also know that it will be worth it. I know that my family will be protected. I know that one day, this pain will subside, we wont be alone, and we will feel whole again.
For now, I just put on a brave face, suck it up, show my kids that they are loved, and hope for a better tomorrow.
Clane in charge.
16 hours ago