Little Averie's Primary Talk

My heart always jumps into my throat when the primary starts handing out assignments for next week's opening exercises.  There is so much pressure involved in having a part.  You have to make sure that you are going to be there, and prepared.  When you have three kids with asthma, you never know when a rogue virus will sideline the family.  So when Averie came skipping toward me with that cursed little blue note in her hand after church, I knew we were in for it.  

Helping a five year old give a talk in front of a room full of wiggly little munchkins is not my idea of fun, so true to form, I procrastinated.  Sunday morning came a lot quicker than I expected.  I did spend the week thinking about the talk, but not much else.  While I was showering this morning the tiny spark of an idea caught fire.  I started realizing that I was paying attention to the silly conversations that were taking place from time to time during tea parties.  I could recall some of the stories that Averie was re-telling to her dollys and to friends.  I remembered somber chats that we had while tucking the kids into their beds at night.  So, without further ado, here is Averie's talk:

I Know That The Scriptures Are True

I love to learn from the scriptures.  I have learned a lot of stories both at home and here in primary.  There are so many stories that I love, and that I have learned from.  We like to hear about Jonah and the Whale, and Daniel and the Lion’s Den.  We have learned so much about love and sacrifice from the stories of the birth and death of our Savior.  We learned about faith to be healed when the Savior healed the leapers.  My favorite story though is the story about a group of the most righteous kids I have ever heard of. The Stripling Warriors.  All of their fathers were killed in a big war.  They grew up to be brave and amazing people because they were raised by Mothers, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles who loved the Lord.  They were blessed through their loss just like me and my family has been blessed through our own loss.
I’m grateful for the scriptures and all the things that they teach to me.  I’m grateful to know that my brother Jesus Christ gave his life so that I would be able to be with my daddy again.  I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Silent Night, Humble Night

The children were all tucked in their bed for a long winters nap...which leaves me all alone to wrap 1,000 presents and wipe my tears.  Okay, I may have exaggerated just a bit; there are only 100 presents.  I have been quite surprised at how well this Christmas season has gone for me and the kids.  The last two years have been extremely difficult without John.  We had to put on our game faces and we took it like men.  This year has somehow been a bit easier.  I think that we've finally hit our stride.  Which is probably why I was surprised when the tears started to flow tonight.

We have a family tradition of Christmas eve bowling.  John always loved anything that he could compete in, so naturally he and my brothers would have a great time trying to one up each other.  Tonight, I really missed that.  I felt like I could hear his laugh though.  He use to throw his head back, flash that winning smile, and let out the most contagious laugh.  I really loved that laugh.

Then as we went to my parents for dinner, it just felt empty.  The kids had such a great time, but some of my brothers were missing, and it just wasn't the same.  It was, however hilarious to watch the little kids play musical chairs and be introduced to losing for the first time in their lives.  (Oh the tears, and the kicking, and the head banging)

On the drive home, I was just so lonely.  I knew that I had so much to do tonight, and I had no one to help or to keep me company.  I started to let the tears roll, and suddenly I was kneeling in my family room across from John.  He was holding both my hands in one of his own, and hugging me with the other.  He didn't say anything, he just held me.  I knew that he was just as empty without me as I am without him.  It's so hard this trial that we have had to endure.  Both John and I have had to endure it without the benefit of each others support, though I know that he's always here.  One day we will know the reason for this, but until then it just plain stinks.

I like to use the dentists office for a parable for things that are really painful.  When I'm in the waiting room at the dentist office, I tell myself, "In one hour from now, you'll be driving home, and you'll be thinking, hey that wasn't that bad."  I would like to think that in the near future, I will be able to look back on these dark years and say, Hey that wasn't that bad.

Merry Christmas

From our family to yours:

Merry Christmas!!!

Confusion Re-loaded

I am so sorry it has taken me so long to post.  Between Thanksgiving, book reports, sicknesses, and endless meetings, I have finally found a spare second to put some thoughts down. 

First off, I want to thank each and every one of you for voting for the 

Top Blog award.

I am truly madly deeply humbled by your love and support.

I misunderstood this weeks voting protocol and would like to clear it up.

The Blog Guide Book decided to use a different voting system this week, and that system

allowed for multiple votes

.  However they still asked to keep the voting to one vote per person per week.  Oops!

I take full responsibility for that one.  

I do want to make sure to let everyone know how very thankful that I am for your continued concern in my life and the lives of my family.  

I hope to be able to properly pay tribute to all that you have done for us, just by being there.

We have no idea the power that we hold to lift one another, or the share each others burdens.

Most of the time we are lead astray by the thought that a physical service has to be provided in order to be a help.  I am here to tell you that that is not the case in any way.

Often, I have been lead through a difficult day by re-reading some comments on this blog.

I have felt of the prayers offered up for us.

I have been buoyed up, just knowing that I have people out there that care for me.

We all have that power within us.  

Let's use our strengths for what they were given to us for...

Be a constant light in the darkness.

Ding...Round Two

Thanks to all of you wonderful people out in cyber world,

I made it to the second round of voting! 

(Enter he theme to Rocky)

I would love your vote one more time.

And let's see if we can get more of a showing.

Let your friends and family members know.

Thanks a ton,

Love ya millions

Also, remember the blog is called

The Funny Thing About Grief

#24- Music

I had originally decided on a totally different #24 today, but I just changed it on a whim.  I thought I already talked about my gratitude for music, but I guess I was only silently thankful.  Well, I suppose that is all going to change right now.

I have been so impressed with the emotion that is found in music.  All my life I have been drawn to melody.  Usually, I like said melody to accompany a really great beat, but recently I have re-discovered what a healing tool music can be for me.

There are so many things that music can say or make you feel, that it almost feels like the biggest cosmic cheat there is.  When I am completely out of energy, I love that I can turn on a little P!nk, or Black Eyed Peas, or MGMT, or whatever has a great beat right then.  I love to be able to turn on beautiful piano music when I need the kids or myself to be calm.  AC/DC is great for cleaning the house in a hurry, and the Glee soundtrack is awesome for just building a good mood.  So when I need to feel John close to me I reach for, Snowpatrol, The Shins, Muse, Gin Blossoms, Beautiful South, and The Dave Mathews Band.  In an instant he is right next to me. 

I have been addicted to playing Paul Cardall, and Michael Ethington day and night. Their music brings the safety of the spirit into my home, and re-enforces the trust that Heavenly Father has in me.  I don't know why this is true, but I feel at peace, I feel rejuvenated, I feel protected, and I feel warmth when these beautiful chords are resonating through my home.

Tonight, I am thankful for the gift the celestial vibration of music, and it's ability to lift me to a higher plane.

#23- Blizzard Kinda

Today is the day of the worst blizzard in the past 20 years.  The school shut down early.  Everyone ran to the hardware store for provisions.  We just pretty much hunkered down.  I actually looked forward to being snowed in.  There were so many past day dreams and secret wishes for a day just like this.  The only thing that stands in the way of a dream come true is the fact that John and I aren't in a mountain cabin surrounded by candlelight and sparkling cider and a bubble bath.  I guess the kiddos, spongebob and chocolate chip cookies will have to do.

I am so thankful for the alone time that I get to spend with my kids.  The older they get, the less time it seems that we have together.  I really miss those days of having them all to myself.  No friends calling, no practices to get to, no last minute homework projects to finish.  I often joke about wanting everything to go back to "Little House on the Prairie" times, but I think that that life would be great.  So for just a brief moment, I am thankful for the storm that lets me pretend to be in a little cottage on a big farm living the simple life.

*The storm is causing a few problems with the computer.  I will add pix later