Globe Trotting

This has been the summer of exploration.  We had to opportunity of going to Lake Tahoe for the wedding of my good friend Jamie.  Then I got to go on a girls trip to Hawaii with my cousin Patty, her daughter Kaylee, and Kaylee's friend Madi.  Less than a month later the fam and I went on a Disney cruise to the bahamas.  Phew, I'm tired just typing it.  Anywho, what follows are our adventures and photo overload.

We were cruising out of Florida, so we decided to go to universal studios and check out Harry Potter land.

 Yummy butter beer

 Averie in the sweets shop...her dream home

 While exploring the wilderness, we took a wrong turn and fell upon serious wildlife.  Sadly Ashton lost his head before we realized our mistake and tuned back.

 Grandpa is so easy to read!

 Here is the port side of the cruise ship.  It was such a cool place to explore.  It was literally like being in a Disney cartoon.

 Every night, our stateroom guy would leave us a fun towel animal and some treats.

 There was a monsoon on Castaway Cay.  This is Ashton playing in the rain before it got really bad, but during the time that Averie decided to explore the island alone...oh bless her sweet little heart.  It only took twenty heart pounding minutes and several Disney workers to find her.  Not to mention my dad and I totally soaked to the bone in thunder and lightning.  It wouldn't be a vacation without a little hardcore worry.

 Me and my mamma 

 Atlantas, Nassau

 The bridge that you can see in the background at the hotel is actually a room.  It is a mere, $25,000.00 per night with a four night minimum.

 Mom and Dad...aren't they so cute???

 Poseidon's throne.

 Ashton is the king of mimickery.

 I loved the colors of Nassau.

 Pirate party!!!  Captain hook tried to take over the ship, but thankfully Mickey and Captain Jack rescued us.

 Swimming with the stingrays.  Averie literally climbed me and made me take her to the beach.  She wasn't going to risk a sting.

 The First Aid station at Castaway Cay. 

 Averie and our server James.  Quite a nice Brit who brought endless shirley temples and bowls of cherries for Averie.  She know how to work it.

Hawaii

 Me and Cousin Patty                                          Lax airport  with Patty, Kaylee, and Madi

Cheeseburgers in paradise

 Cute cousies

Lake Tahoe/ Jamie's Wedding

 Assembling the bouquets 

 Scarlet and Lucy

 Sarah, Jamie, and Noah...This pic makes me tear up.

 The kids and I at Kings beach

 Emerald bay

 Playing wedding planner/ dresser/ stylist/ florist/ photographer

 Seriously freezing wind

 What a handsome couple.  Derek and Jamie

Oh lookie here, more Hawaii

A Downton Epiphany

I don't know who has been sucked into this show or not, it is on PBS and it's amazing.  There is a scene in the beginning where two men are looking at the Abbey.  One has the title that makes him lord of the manner.  He has grown up there, and it has been in the family for years.  The other is new to the elaborate lifestyle of the High Class.  As the first man is looking on they begin to talk about the Abbey.  He says, it may look like bricks, mortar, and stone that cracks in the frost, but to me it is my life's work.

What he meant by that was, that the running of that estate was something that was of the greatest importance and value, it was literally his full-time job to take care of the manner.

While watching, an immense thought came to me.  We should each treat our homes with such respect.  I mean "homes" as our family, friends, teachers, leaders, and all other influences (servants, if you are keeping track with the show) that make up our family home.  We should spend our very last breath defending and fortifying the most precious thing that was given to us...our family.

So much of my life has been spent in trying to make people like me.  That may sound funny, but I have always feared disappointing others...whether I know them or not.  I once had a friend call me an approval whore, which is pretty much spot on.  I think that it finally sunk in...It's okay to say no!  It's okay to put my family first, even if it's above a service project.  Not that I should stop serving, but just realign my priorities.  It's crazy easy to get overwhelmed in doing good.

Believe it or not, I think I just got a little glimpse into the eternities.  Thank you Public Broadcasting System!

In Dreams...

There are just times that I need John.  My heart aches for him, and I wonder how I've made it this long without him.  The last few days have been that way for me.  I've taken stalk of my life this last year.  I keep praying for someone to come into our lives to take the pain, sorrow, and lonely away.  Here's the big problem...How can I move on when I can't let go of John?

That question plagues my thoughts most of the day and night.  People tell me that when I meet the right person, It will all work out.  I just don't know if I buy it.  I hate complication.  I'm a simpleton.  Okay, I wish I was a simpleton.

Last night, I dreamed of John all night.  That really doesn't happen that often.  He was in about 4 or 5 different dreams.  We ran to each other.  Kissed and hugged and cried.  I told him how much I've missed him, and how it was like a dream that he was here with me again.  He would smile and kiss me again, and hold me tight.

I woke up with tears on my pillow.  I realized that there is no amount of time that is enough.  I am so grateful to know that I have endless time with my sweet love.  I am so blessed to have him as my eternal companion.  I never have to worry about not seeing him again, because I know that I will.  I know that we have forever together, and this is but a brief intermission.

Hawaii June 2011

We finally made it to Hawaii.  This trip was suppose to be for me and John.  We planned to go since we were dating.  So to say this was a dream come true would be, well mostly true.

 Clockwise from top: Ethan at the USS Arizona; Kiddos eating shave ice; Ethan and Ashton at the USS Arizona memorial; My toes in the sand; The boys on the balcony of the Trump hotel in Oahu.

 Averie vs. Portugese Man of War

 Ashton; Allison and Ethan snorkel trip; Grandma and Grandpa Carver; Kids and flowers; Spotted dolphin.

 The beautiful Maui sunset

 The kids in the Iao Valley

The high life

The Yips

Sorry for the prolonged absence.  I have been working on a book!!!  Or, in other words, I have been staring at a blank screen for a whole year.  Ok, Ok, that may not be completely true.  I have worked quite a bit.  I just got stuck.  As a baseball player may say, "I've got the yips!"

I have been trying to write about the lessons I've learned, and the healing that I've done, but I thought that I needed to write about the accident to do that.  Yes, I should mention the accident, but I was going into such detail, that it was way too painful of an experience for me.  I finally had an epiphany.  I realized that I didn't have to talk about every last detail.  I could just broach the subject and go on from there.

Since that realization, I've been better able to write.  I also realized that this blog was a main inspiration point for me.  I missed being able to pour my heart out on this screen, and have it open my mind to the blessing that surround me everyday.

So, purely for my own benefit, I will continue to blog.  I have cherished the encouraging words that I have received from each of you.  Even seeing the hits on this page has been uplifting.  I have thought from the beginning, that if but one person can benefit from my loss, it will be worth the pain.

Misadventures in Wonderland

So, I decided that the kids and I needed a Vaca, so we hopped on a plane and flew to the happy, sunny land of Disney World, USA.  There is a reason that it is called the happiest place on earth.  I love the nostalgia of Disney.  I love that the moment you step through those gates you feel ten again.  There is no better place to heal your heart.

This is the second time that the kids and I traveled to Disney World.  The first time was two years ago, and only about 4 or 5 months after John died.  That trip was so good for me.  My sweet cousins, and aunts let me talk and cry and laugh the whole trip.  It was however, physically difficult.  I remember pushing that stroller through the parks and actually crying because I was so exhausted.  All the while I was thinking, If only I can make it two more years.  I thought that whole trip, that when I had two years behind me that I would feel better, and that my life would be back to normal.

So, two years down the road from that trip, and I am in the same odd land of uncomfort.  I realized on this trip that my life was never going back to the normal that it use to be.  That's not a bad thing, I guess, just different.  I didn't realize how much denial I was in until this trip.  Though we had a great time, it was hard for me to face reality.

They say that your fondest memories are family vacations.  I agree fully, but sometimes some of the most difficult memories are brought up on family vacations, especially if part of that family is missing.  You know, that being said, we all felt extra close to John on that trip.  It's truly amazing the tender mercies that are given to us just when we need them.

 Rainy days and Mondays don't get us down.

 The kiddo's in front of the tree of life.  Mom and Aves.  The Bros.

 Ethan and Mom ready to tackle Everest.  Mom and Ave in Asia.  Averie and her new friend.  Another shot of the tree of life.

 My Brother Spencer and his wife and kids came with us, which was a huge help, and so much fun.  We got to go to two different character breakfasts, and they were so much fun.  Averie got Mickey to kiss her and she screamed, in her best Marsh Brady, "He kissed me.  He kissed me.  I can't believe he kissed me.  I'll never wash my forehead again!"

 Ethan infront of the castle.  Averie being distracted.  The kiddos complaining that they wanted to go back to the hotel to swim (not ten minutes inside the gates).  The cute poser in the swiss family Robinson treehouse.

 Ethan and Sophie at the Rock'n Rollercoaster.  The kids at the scify drive inn. (cool eatery where the inside looks like outside and you sit in old cars and watch old movies and they serve you dinner)  Ethan and Averie in New York.

 We drove about an hour and a half to the beach where we froze our little bums right off.  The cold doesn't slow the kids down though.

Mom and Ash in Africa.  The Bros picking their switch.  Sissy sue. Cool dude Ethan.