I can't believe that it has been one year since my love went to our Father in Heaven. I don't have the words to describe the pain, the loneliness, the loss, and the terror of the last year. But what I can describe is the love, the blessings, the service, and the friendship that we have had this last year. I would rather concentrate on the good anyway.
So many people have said to me, "I don't know how you are doing it, it is my worst nightmare!" My simple answer, "I do it solely through our Savior, Jesus Christ!" From the minute the doorbell rang one year ago, I knew that my life was about to change very drastically, and I also knew that I had to put myself in the Lords hands.
I felt John's spirit so strong this last year. I knew that Heavenly Father would never take a father and a husband away without providing a way for him to watch out for, and protect his family. After all, that is the plan. People have said, "I wonder what John is doing now?" "I bet he is teaching many people." I felt very strongly that his mission right now is his family. I still feel that. There are times that I know he is watching his little princess and smiling. There are time that he is with Ethan as he zips around on his dirtbike. There are time that I see him put his arms around his little Ashton, when he is having a hard time. And there are definately times that he holds me as I fall to sleep.
The Father in Heaven that I know is kind, loving, and concerned for us. He knows that the road ahead is difficult for us, so he gives us the tools that we need to face those challenges. He allows the father to continue to be a huge part of his families lives, because that is why we are here. Family is the reason for all that we do in this life. I am forever grateful that I have an eternal family, and that my sweetheart will be waiting for me. Oh the reunion that will be.
This is the story of one woman's navigation through grief following the loss of her true love, and husband of almost eleven years. Questions of who am I now, questions of how to raise the kids alone, and leaning how to live again will be confronted, hopefully in a positive and meaningful light.