Sunday, August 16, 2009

Still a Rough Road to Pass

For everyone who has lost a loved one, you know that there is no such thing as moving on. I am still taken back by people who tell me that I need to move on. How do I move on? YOU move on! Am I just supposed to flip a switch, and the man that I love with every ounce of my being is just erased? I have an eternal bond with him, I can't just forget him.

My dear friend came over this week and helped me pack up some of his things. How wonderful to have true friends. Friends that you don't have to hold back emotions from. Friends who listen, and try to understand, even when they don't totally get it. (and I hope they never have to be in a position to get it.) Friends who give up their own time to take care of you when you aren't able to take care of yourself.

It seems that friendships are tested the most when a dire situation arises. It is then that you know who you can really count on. I have, by what I can only describe as an act of God, ended up with a truly amazing group of friends. These people have been there no matter what. They haven't been scared away by sadness or pain, they haven't been put off by exhaustion. They have gladly lent their love, strength, time, and service without ever having thought of repayment. How can there ever be a more perfect act of Christ-like love? I can only hope to be but a portion of what was given to me.

I have found myself really in a bad place today. I have been in tears most of the day. I have wondered why this happened to us. I have questioned every decision that we made for the last several years. I have wished I could take it all back, and start over. This is a dark place that I have never let myself go to before today. Nothing good can come from these thoughts. There is a song that says, "When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul, you're in ruins." How true is that statement.

I sat down to the computer to hash out some of my thoughts, and I was surprised that what came out was my love and appreciation for my friends. I have learned in these few short minutes that, no matter what happens in our lives, Heavenly Father surrounds us with lifeguards to save us from our own thoughts. These earthly angels are here to ground us, to make us see what is really important, and to remind us that life really is worth living, even when it's hard.

Thank you to all my wonderful friends, and loving angels.


  1. Lisa, What a great post!! That is a true gift you have, when you feel down and out you lift up all those around you! I don't have that gift, I just tell everybody to go to He*#. But, amaze me. I love ya couzie!

  2. Lisa, you have amazing friends because you have been an amazing friend. You are so right about not being able to "move on." I think that is the dumbest saying ever. You are amazing and I know you probably think, "she's just saying that cuz she feels sorry for me." WRONG - 0!!!!!! I have told you before that I've always admired you - you have a sweet, and strong spirit. You have taken this unbelievably hard hand that was dealt to you and handled it with grace and with strength. I have learned much from you. I feel so sad all of the time that I live so far away during your difficult times - I would love nothing more than to be able to be right there with ya. BUT I still pray for you and those cute kids and hope that in some small way that you can feel how loved you are by me. :)

  3. O- Lisa I don't even have words to say!!! I love you so much!! You are an amazing person and I know that John is there with you. Holding you up even when you don't think it is possible. Every time I drive by your house I look over just to see if you are there. I need to be a better friend and not just look but stop in. Even though you are having a rough time right now you need to know how incredibly you are handeling this horrible experience that life has handed you. And don't for one moment "move on" because I don't think you should. You can't leave it all behind I completly agree with you. But just take it one day at a time and know we are here to back you up in any way we can. Love You!!!

  4. A dear fried of mine that lost her husband about four years ago told me yesterday that every day is hard. That there is no end to her sadness, but that every day she tries to put one foot in front of the other and walk. Alone is a horrible word, and no matter how hard we as friends try to help, the Alone can never go away even when you are in a room filled with people. The days go by one by one. Each minute is a success, no matter how hard that minute may seem. Your deep strong love for John and for Christ will pull you through these VERY HARD days. John knows where you are just as you know where he is. And he misses you as much as you miss him. Your love for each other and the infinite Love of our Savoir will make these days bearable. How thankful we all are for your strong spirit and the great example you are to each of us each day. You have been in my prayers more than ever these last few days. I am so thanful that you have a wonderful friend base. The Lord has blessed you richly with wonderful friends. Know that I care and that my thoughts are forever with you.

  5. Whoever told you to move on is stupid!! You are in my thoughts and prayers so much lately as I know anniversaries of terrible things make them harder :(

    I just thought I'd add how much I love that Avery loves to come sit by my baby in primary!! Her cute little smile makes my day (and her outfit/shoes sunday were to DIE for!!)

    ...and just another thought I just had...You guys have done so well at teaching your family (kids, cousins, etc) about the plan of salvation...there are a lot of tiny carter kids that have a stronger testimony of that than most adults I know, and their testimonies strenghen mine!! Thank you!! & ((HUGS))

  6. sorry I spelled Averie's name wrong...not much sleep in my house lately!!