Sunday, November 21, 2010

#20 & 21- Snow, and Quiet Winter Nights

This morning I woke up to about 8" of fluffy beautiful powdery snow covering this lovely valley in which I live.  There is nothing like the romance of a new snow fall.  The sheer beauty of the soft falling flakes would make Robert Frost weep.  For some reason, I always sleep so soundly during a snow storm.  I think it's natures own sound proofing that makes it so peaceful.

We were late for church this morning due in part to the extreme temper tantrum thrown by our very own diva Averie.  Apparently, it is a matter for the Civil Liberties Union to step in when the tights that you are forced to wear are just a tad itchy.  So, while I dealt with the sweet princess, my boys quietly sneaked out the door.  When I finally decided that I was going to have to leave Ave home, I went to find the boys to tell them that they were on babysitting detail.  Guess what those little guys were up to.  They were in their church clothes, coats, and gloves ...shoveling the snow! 

What sweet little men.  I didn't ask them to do it, they just knew that it needed to be done.  It wasn't easy either, but they worked their little tails off.  I am so proud to be their mom.  I am proud that in spite of me, they are turning out pretty great.  I am grateful that I have them in my life, especially now when I need them so very much.

Today, I was holding Averie, who turned out to be sick (She always hides the fact that she is sick, because she doesn't want to miss out on any fun), and I suddenly was hit with the most profound sadness.  These kids are amazing, and John is missing it.  I wanted to call him and tell him about his boys.  I knew that he would just be proud beyond words.  I wanted him to be able to hold his sweet princess and cuddle her when she didn't feel well.  I know that he still is a part of our lives, but it's not the same.  He's not here.  The kids are missing out on him, and he is missing out on them.

As sad as that is, I am still impressed that he has such an influence on our lives.  There aren't many things that we do that don't usually come from something that we have learned from John or because of John.  I am grateful for all of it, even thought it can be pretty difficult at times.  So on this lonely, quiet, snowy night, I'm grateful for every heartache and pain, because I am remembering every joy, love, kindness, laughter, kiss, and togetherness that we have ever shared and that we will share again.

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  1. now i wish i had called you. i think you were downplaying your sadness tonight... and i missed out on a prompting to call you. i wish i had. i am sorry.

    your kids are amazing. when i was reading about your boys shoveling snow without being asked, it reminded me about aaron jr. we were in the bathroom and the mirror looked a little streaky tonight, so i asked him if he did that? he said, 'i was cleaning it.' i cannot tell you how often he does things like that without being asked. what special spirits we are raising.

    and you know what? they are not turning out great in spite of you... they are turning out great because they have an amazing mom who shows them strength and love.

    love you.

  2. Awe, shucks ma'am! You are such a cherished friend. I'm really okay. You know how it is, the day is going really well, and then the tears are flowing. It's just "Lills Life". ;)

    I sure love you too!

  3. I read this and have been thinking about it all day (all SNOWY day) I'm so sorry that you and John aren't enjoying your kids together...and I'm sorry that you're the one that has to have the LONG wait...for John, it's just a quick instant...he hurts for you too...and wants to be with you just have to be the patient one! And I have to second the thought that your kids are great BECAUSE of are one heck of a mom!!